No matter the circumstances, divorces are among the most stressful, life-changing experiences that anyone can go through. Between 40 and 50% of married couples in the United States get a divorce. Couples may choose divorce for many reasons. Many times personal problems develop when divorce-related anxiety or depression is ignored and not dealt with properly and in a timely manner.
Divorce is more than a legal process. It is emotional on many levels and causes distorted thoughts that lead to unhealthy negative emotions like depression, anger, fear and anxiety. Every decision from deciding to go through with your divorce to counting down the days until it is final has its stressful emotions. Some people describe the feeling as if they are in an endless space of doom and gloom — floating through life not knowing with no beginning, no end, and nothing but a big, dark mess left to show for it. This is what causes the feeling of being overwhelmed and the feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger.
You can and will make it through this painful time. Things will get easier, but it takes time, patience, hard work, determination and a helping hand.
But there are ways to deal with these emotions and the anxiety that comes from your divorce. For instance, when you can visualize these issues, you slow everything down and break up all the chaos into manageable pieces. By doing this, you will begin to feeling better. The legal process itself has an end, but your feelings about the divorce will by no means go away tomorrow or next week.
Understand that throughout the divorce process there are different levels of anxiety. In the beginning, the thoughts of getting your divorce seem impossible to deal with when thinking about your future. However, you can and will make it through this painful time. Things will get easier, but it takes time, patience, hard work, determination and a helping hand.
The best way to prepare you to navigate through this hectic and chaotic time is to put your thoughts in writing. When you visualize, follow a process and write down on a piece of paper what you’re dealing with on each level:
Identify divorce issues that need resolution
Couples often cite multiple reasons rather than one single problem. Some of the most common for divorce are lack of commitment, communication issues or a tendency to argue, addiction, financial problems, and abuse. Feeling better starts with you. An optimistic versus catastrophic thinking style can be a determining factor in how you and your child cope with the divorce.
List sub-issues that may encompass the overall issue
It is a common scenario where one partner exhibits behavior that the other partner finally decides is too much to endure. For example, some couples divorce because of infidelity, and for others, infidelity is something that happened at the end of years of other problems such as nasty conflicts, growing apart, and substance abuse. Making a list of all the ways you have grown apart as a couple helps with the process of thinking through the anxiety and dealing with separation.
Rank the importance of the listed issues
Without focus, all issues seem equally important. Taking time to set priorities will ensure that you direct your energy and resources to the most important issues. The process of writing down difficult emotional issues is beneficial to managing the stress and anxiety of a divorce and keeps the focus on what is most important.
In addition to getting help from a mental health professional or a doctor, you may want to discuss divorce-related legal issues (such as, child custody and support, alimony and division of property) with an experienced family law attorney who can advise you of your legal rights and responsibilities and help guide you through the decision-making process.
Ask For Help
The road may seem lonely and bleak, but you do not have to go it alone. Get help if you need it and speak with our family law attorney to answer your questions about your legal rights or the divorce process. Contact the Family Law Firm of C.E. Borman & Associates at 979-846-4090 for an appointment.