Getting up the courage to ask for a divorce can cause feelings of stress, anxiety, and guilt. Divorce is not something you anticipated being faced with, but unfortunately, divorce happens. There is no right way or a guide on how to ask for a divorce. However, this will guide you on how to peacefully ask for a divorce.
Tips on how to peacefully ask for a divorce
If you are feeling like it’s the right time to ask for divorce here are some helpful tips on how to peacefully and respectfully ask for a divorce.
Prepare yourself (to peacefully ask for a divorce)
The first thing you need to do is prepare yourself for how your partner will react to asking for a divorce. Is this something you have both previously spoken about? Have you been working on your marriage for a long time? Does your partner seem as miserable as you do? Understanding their current feelings will help you prepare for how you will bring up the topic of divorce. You may also want to find or speak to a therapist about how to prepare yourself. A therapist can even help you roleplay if you are feeling anxious about how to bring up the topic of divorce the right way.
Here are a few examples as to how to peacefully ask for a divorce;
- For some time I have been thinking about our relationship. We have been trying to make it work; however, I think it would be best if we moved forward with a divorce. I would like to keep this discussion as peaceful and as honest as possible. If you would like to ask me any questions I’m more than happy to answer them.
- This is very difficult for me, however, this has been on my mind for some time. I’ve been putting a lot of thought on what the right thing to do for us both and I don’t feel like this is the right relationship for me anymore. What are your thoughts on getting a divorce?
- I know that things have been difficult lately so I appreciate you taking the time to chat. I’ve thought really hard about this, and it’s not an easy decision. I have decided that it would be best if we got a divorce. I feel like we have tried everything and I no longer feel like we’re the best fit for each other as romantic partners. It would be really important to me and us as a family to maintain our friendship if you’re comfortable with that.
Figure out a time and place
The best conversations happen when you are both relaxed and have made time for a serious conversation, so make sure you keep this in consideration. Here are some things to think about as you decide when and where to bring up the topic of peacefully asking for a divorce.
- Both schedules are cleared – choosing a busy work week is probably not the best time.
- The children are not present.
- Choose a quiet place and a place that is somewhat familiar so you both feel comfortable in the space.
- If need be, schedule a counseling session so that you have a mediator.
- A work night might not be the best idea because you may want to give yourself and your spouse a day to process the situation.
Be understanding of your partner’s feelings
Give your partner time to adjust to the fact that you are asking for a divorce and have empathy for their feelings. Let them know that you are willing to answer any questions but that you are firm about your decision. Your partner may at first be angry and/or upset so you need to prepare for those emotions.
Be aware of your own feelings
Even though asking for a divorce may be the right decision and you feel confident going into your conversion. In the following days, you may feel a wave of emotions. You should prepare for these feelings and understand that this is completely normal. If you feel you need help it’s always best to schedule a therapy session to help address your feelings.
Figure out next steps
After you have both had time to come to the reality of your decision. You will need to think about a few things moving forward. In a separate discussion, you will want to address some of the following questions.
- Housing arrangements
- How you will tell the children
- Initial child custody – create a schedule
- How do you view future co-parenting together
- Therapy for you both or possible the child
- How to announce your divorce to your friends and family – here are some tips on how to announce your divorce on social media
- Discuss boundaries regarding each other, family and friend events, and future romantic relationships
- Don’t forget about your pets! They are just as important to discuss the right thing for them as well
Find a divorce attorney
You will want to find a divorce attorney or family law attorney sooner than later. You might even want to consult with a divorce attorney before your initial conversation with your partner. If you are looking for a Texas attorney, our Texas family law attorneys can assist you and guide you in the right direction.